2:00 PM
I could hardly sleep last night thinking today was the day we got Kara. I woke up at 5:00 am and tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail. I just could not settle my brain down. I called Yelena around 9:15 and she did not answer, so I called back about 45 minutes later. She sounded exhausted, apparently she took Elena and her husband to Odessa for the weekend. I do not think we are getting Karina today and probably not tomorrow either. She said she would try to get “paperwork done” and get the birth certificate we need for her release, I was pretty upset; I want to go home!! Even a days delay in gathering paperwork is too much, I am so homesick and want my daughter with me.
Tom seems really concerned about not having enough money to call twice a day. It costs $20 a day (100 grivnas LOL) to call me. I did not realize it was that much. I guess I better talk faster, or it will be $140 (700 grivnas) a week to talk to me; and that is too much. I will be home soon, and then he will never be around to talk to me anyway….he will be busy at work!
Went for my morning visit to see Kara; all the munchkins were outside playing, except Kara and a couple of others, the ladies said she was still inside, and I walked in after ringing the bell. The doctor told me to sit, the room was full of gifts, toys, clothes, a bike, two cribs, and other things. Everyone seemed very excited about it. The doctor asked me to take Kara outside in the garden. I thought she was asking if Kara was out there, so I said nyet, she looked confused, and then pointed to the door to Kara’s room and the door outside, and I said Oh, Ya Panimayu, and she smiled. They got Kara dressed and I took her outside without a stroller to put her in and holding my purse it was a challenge, but I managed to walk her around some. Finally a worker took pity on us and gave us a stroller. Whew, I could hang my purse off the back then. I kept all of my remaining money in my purse, and was afraid to sit it down.
I took Kara down the walk to the sun picture and she looked at it a little. I said solnishka, which means sunshine, close, but technically incorrect, I believe sun is Sol. I pointed to the eyes and nose and mouth and said the words in English. Kara laughed at that. She enjoyed looking at the picture, so she seems to be visual learner like Meghan. (Like many people with Down syndrome)
I pushed Kara a little more and noticed the sweet 2 year old with Down syndrome was outside too, I rolled Kara over and asked if I could take their picture together. They said I could take her picture, I was so happy to get a good look at her, she is a darling little girl, I don;t think she is available for adoption yet. I think they said her name was Marianna or Lilliana?Little Marianna is a sweetheart, very social and happy; she can crawl and climb stairs, pulls to a stand and cruises. She has a smile that lights up a room, any parent would be ecstatic to have her for a daughter. She is farther along developmentally than Kara is in fact. The staff just said she was 2, I am not sure when her birthday is.
Here she is, she is usually smiling and happy, but I think she hates those bulky clothes as much as Kara does.
So I got a couple of pictures of her, I am hoping when I go back tonight I can take a few more of the other kids.Roma helped me push Kara around, but little did I know that he pilfered my cell phone too, he took it out of my purse when I was pushing Kara with him. He was trying to call someone when the staff caught him; he is going to keep a family on their toes. He is a sweet little boy who desperately wants a family; he snuggles into a hug, and is affectionate with the staff (they spoil him). He can also be a stinker, but he is obedient when the staff tells him something. I hope a family is ready for him soon, he is already 4, but the director said he would keep him at the baby house until spring. Will that be enough time for a family to get things together to adopt him? I hope so
Kara after I brought her inside, she was so hot under all those clothes, her hair was plastered to her head.
5:15 pm
Yelena just left; she had a paper for me to sign so we can get Kara’s papers ready to get her passport. She has the documents we need to pick up Kara, and she was going to leave them with me, but she took it back and said she needed to come with me. Ugh, I am getting so impatient, but I understand that she needs to have all of her ducks in a row, so I will wait. Waiting is what I am good at. NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING TRUE.
If I got it straight; we need the letter to get the old birth certificate from a province in Kiev and then with that we can get the new birth certificate with our names on it, and Kara’s new name Kara Irina.
After that, we pick her up tomorrow, I hope I hope, and then we go get the passport, then we take that to the embassy and get Kara’s visa, and we can go home. (getting the passport, meaning, getting the paperwork in for it and waiting for it to be made) I did not say how many days it would be until that happens however.
If I can be on a plane for home by next Monday, I will be happy.
I did not get to go for my evening visit with Kara today. :o( I am going to the store to see if they have something that will fit her, the four stores here have very limited merchandise, one has only food, another is more like a general store without any food, the woman running that store refuses to wait on me, turns her back when I walk in, and ignores me, I am getting tired of her, I don't like going in her store, and the one down the road has both food and general merchandise. That store is a mess, kind of dirty, unwrapped doughnuts sitting on wood barrels, and opened packages of Pampers everywhere. They have three outfits, and all are too big for Kara, they are very cheaply made, rather thin material, not really something I want to get for Kara. I buy my minutes for the cell phone from Kiev Star there. I get a receipt with a code on it, and I enter that code, each card is 100 hryvnia ($20).
The last store is a bit down the road, it has luxury food items; caviar, chocolates, nice meats, I never buy anything there.
7:00 pm
Dinner is over, the red room was still full; I had a table to myself. There is always a place setting with mine, but no one ever sits there. I wonder who this mystery person is. Regardless, if they sat with me I would not be able to talk to them, so it is just as well they are not there when I am.
We had the ever present Cole slaw (kapoosta), I ate all of it, but I am dying for some broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots. I hope to eat a bunch once home. The buckwheat with the roast beef was served next. Also on the table was Kefir, yummy rolls with applesauce, but made like crescent rolls today, and tea (Chai) I did not have any trouble eating all of that. Kefir is good with a little sugar in it; I wonder what Dr S (my Naturopath) would say about all the wheat and dairy I have been consuming? I do continue to take my Wobenzyme to help digest everything.
I walked back to the room quickly and locked myself in. This living like a monk is interesting; I wonder if other adoptive parents feel completely cut off from the world they used to know? I know I certainly do. How will I feel when I return to my loud and busy world in another week?
12-04-07 Day 27 in Ukraine
I slept better last night; but I woke up feeling ill again, I am not al that certain I have a cold; I do think I am allergic to the feather pillows here. I took Esberitox and some garlic, Vitamin C, and allergy meds, let’s hope that helps me. I also took my Wobenzyme to be sure I can digest all the cheese I eat here.
Breakfast was Cole slaw, baked cheese (taplyonaye malako maybe) with a sweet cheese sauce (Kefir I am sure) poured over them, a huge hot dog, rice and gravy, and tea. There was also white cheese on a plate, but the mystery diner who shares my table with me left his/her spoon on it. No cheese for me!
I left my cell phone here as it was almost dead, so I was not certain if Yelena called or not, I called her as soon as I returned here. I had trouble getting though. Elena answered her phone and said they were on their way here right now, well the next town; but hopefully they have Kara’s things we need to pick her up today. Legally she is my daughter, I can’t leave her there anymore, I heard when I was in America that an orphanage was going to charge a family for leaving their child in there after the 10 days were up. I hope it does not happen to me. I want Kara with me so badly.
(12-06-08) One of the reasons I celebrated Kara's smiles so much when she got home, you can see when I visted her in the orphanage, she rarely smiled. She paid attention to me, hugged me, and smiled when we were being silly, but she did not have a social smile with me at all. Probably wondering what in the world I was saying to her.
2:45 pmI went to see silly Karina this morning, I think she was happy to see me; she crawled all over me and hugged me, and giggled a lot. Though I tried; I could not capture the gleeful looks on camera, nyet, as soon as she sees it, she stops smiling. She has the snuffles (not sniffles) again.
( 12-2008 can you believe the snow melted so quickly?)A misty walk to the orphanage today, it was interesting to see the people materialize from the fog, it is rainy and wet outside, somewhat warmer, snow is melting yet again, and our favorite puddle has re-emerged. Meghan would love walking around here today, splashing in every puddle she could find!
Yelena, Elena, and her husband came over to get me from the orphanage and we drove to the office to get paperwork for Kara’s new birth certificate. Yelena had paid the woman to stay late yesterday, and when she got back, the woman was gone. So she paid her today to do it again (I find it interesting that some Americans say adoptions can happen without extra "fees", how, wonder?) It was nice to speak to people who spoke English; I am so homesick for people who can communicate with me. Elena and her husband bought a gift for Karina, a snow suit, hat and scarf (exactly like the hat I bought here in Vorzel) and some sweet snow boots. She will be warm in those! I am very grateful for their help. They are having issues finding a stroller for her though; I know I will end up in Kiev buying and overpriced one. I cannot fly alone with Kara without a stroller.
We went to the office of records (I guess that is what they are called) and there was a sign on the door saying they were not open today; well not to be deterred yet again. Yelena kept pounding on the door until someone finally opened it, 15-20 minutes later a woman came out and Yelena stuck her foot in the space left behind and pushed her way in, I followed her. We went in and she started writing the letter requesting the new birth certificate one more time; she had already torn up two of them and started over, it had to be written in Ukrainian. I wondered why I had to be there for that bit of paperwork, but it seems that the woman had to see me sign the letter in order for her to do her own paperwork.
I think she finished her part and now we need to get the other region to get the new birth certificate. I think Yelena will pick me up tomorrow for that, at least I hope so.
Seems we are getting the birth certificate and passport before I can get Kara from the orphanage, I am pretty upset about this, and I think I will insist she come here with me after we get her new birth certificate.
I was lucky to be able to go back to the orphanage for an afternoon visit. Karina had just eaten but she was also still tired for her nap, and she had been crying too. She was better after I rocked her a little, then we sat on the chairs and sofa, mostly on the floor. She played with the diaper wipes package for a while, then a piece of paper. Thankfully the entire staff left us alone the entire time. Karina would crawl away to see something, then come back giggling and jumped in my arms, I hope this means she is getting used to the idea that I am going to be her new mama. She is also saying mama when I cuddle her, wishful thinking, but I hope it means she knows I am her mama.
She took a few steps towards me and giggled the whole time, she really is a sweet little girl. I am beginning to love the little munchkin. I took a bunch of pictures, but that elusive smile still hides from the camera. However she is getting a more expressive face, and that “dead” look is slowly being replaced with one of curiosity. She is also learning what a camera does, and enjoys seeing herself after I take her picture, Today she kissed her picture; then she licked the camera… (Laughing) We played catch, well she threw a stuffed animal at me and I threw it back, and she walked holding on to my hands a little. She certainly crawls better than Meghan did; I wonder if it means she will learn some things easier than my sweet Meghan? (Who I miss desperately and she will NOT talk to me on the phone)
10:00 amTom called this morning, he wanted to let me know that we are kind of broke at home. Apparently he has already spent $80 calling me on Skype. Ugh, the reality of home, I am just not ready for the financial part of it. I have enough to worry about here.
Breakfast was a bleak affair; Cole slaw again, I only ate a few bites, it was a few days old by texture and taste, and I could not stomach that. Noodles and a meatball, maybe pork and veal, and some very lumpy but tasty Cream of Wheat, there was also some white cheese and tea. My co-diner had already eaten and was gone; I wonder if I will ever see him again?
I called Yelena this morning, not to sit around and wait, I needed to know if she was planning on getting that new birth certificate. I want to go home so badly, I want to see my kids and Tom, even though he has only been gone a week. I miss my sweet Meghan, and so want to hug her. I am sure Julia has a million things to say to me, and I miss her too, I want to talk to her! I want to see what she is wearing to school, and want to see her concert.
Since we have been here I missed celebrating my birthday with my family, and sometimes it is the only time I see all the boys together. I also missed Thanksgiving, and that special time with my sons and Julia. I could not see Brian and Marcus in Much Ado about Nothing, and now it looks like I will miss Meghan’s birthday too. I am also missing Julia’s holiday choral performance. I so want to be back with all of them, I want to talk to my sisters and my brothers and to my dear friends Becky and Kathy, and I want them to meet Kara. (I wonder if I still have a job too)
I want to walk in my own garden, and to plant the memorial roses for Sharon, Perlie, and Deanie. I want to decorate my house for Christmas and shop for presents for my children. Please God, I just want to go home, this has been such a lonely experience for me, the only highlight is seeing my Kara, but I can only see her twice daily, and only for 3-4 hours.
I know my being here adopting this little sweetie is a miracle. 5 years ago November 9th I found a lump in my breast after I got over a breast infection. 5 years ago my life changed, and cancer entered it again; breast cancer would prove to be one of the greatest challenges of my life (it took my mothers life when she was 45), and the most life altering. Still, I am sitting here in Ukraine typing this journal; and I am ALIVE and even though I am not as fit as I once was, and certainly not as thin, I am thankfully alive and feeling well. God has led me to a new daughter who I will love and cherish, and I know she will enrich our lives. BUT please God, I want to get home to my family, please help the people that have the power to make that happen soon open their hearts and want to help Kara get home to Tucson.
It is 10:15, time to go visit my Kara. I wonder if she will be in a good mood today.
I went to see Kara this morning, and to try on her things she will wear when she leaves the orphanage, hopefully THIS WEEK. The snow suit is a little large, but it is OK. The snow boots are a few sizes too large too. The outfit I brought for Daria will fit Kara, I thought a size 3T would be too large, but it works. I did see her little booty today checking for a mess, she is really a tiny thing, kind of skinny. I am glad her diapers will take up some room on her, I think all her pants would fall off otherwise, which may be why she always wears tights and dresses.
I did buy her some shoes from the only place here that sells them; the corner market. I got size 19, and they fit, but won’t for very long. They were a whole 35g, which is roughly $7.50? (I am sitting here wishing I remembered Algebra better, if one hundred g is equal to $20, then how many US dollars are equal to 35g?)
Kara’s mood was whiny today, in fact she did not want me to take off her new shoes, so I left them on her, and then she whined to have them off, I think the tights were on her feet wrong, so I took them off for a bit, later she went back and got them and whined to have them put back on. I think she was pretty pleased with them.
She certainly was not as affectionate today, somewhat pensive; maybe a little sad? I don’t think she feels very well though. She was talking to herself and smiling at what she was saying, I captured the end of one of those smiles.
It is almost time for lunch, sad that my life revolves around eating and walking to see Kara, I will never complain of being bored at home again. At least I get Kara cuddles (when she is in the mood anyway)
7:00 pm
I did not hear from Yelena at all today, I think this is the last day her friends are here, I am disappointed that we did not get some paperwork done, but I understand her wanting to be with them, at least logically, emotionally, I am pretty upset it is keeping me here another day.
I went for my afternoon visit with Kara; I arrived around 4:15. I brought some more things to try on her, she is definitely in a size 3T in some things; I think she has longer arms than Meghan did at her age. Brought some City Sidewalk for her, and it fit her great, though she will wear her blue velour yoga suit (gosh the line is escaping me, my Gymbo pals would cringe tee hee) out of the orphanage with her new snow suit Elena and her husband bought for her. She loves her new shoes, at least for today. She seems very proud of them, and the staff is happy to se her wearing them too.
We played again, but the staff was watching and would sometimes say something and giggle.It is a little unsettling for folks to look at you and laugh, what were they saying, were they laughing with Kara and I or at us?
Check out Kara trying to take the camera from me She started crying today after I fed her a banana. I have to say that she is going to have to unlearn a lot of bad eating behaviors. She sucked the banana and sometimes got huge chunks which she gulped down with tears in her eyes, and she grunted to get more as soon as she swallowed. She ate an entire banana in less than 3 minutes, despite my efforts to slow her down some. She was mad because she wanted more and of course I only had the one banana. So she began to cry, I picked her up and was comforting her when the workers came rushing out of her room and into the main one. They said “Paka paka Mama, and started to take her away. I said “Harasho” and held out my arms, Karina went back to me, but they said, “Mama, paka, Karina yest, paka mama.”, and asked her to come back to them. I showed them the banana and when Kara saw it, she began to cry. The staff made gestures like Karina was a quick eater and a piggy, which I agree with. They took her anyway, and left me standing there alone at only 5:30. I was upset, Karina and I were not ready to say goodbye, and they took her with her new tuflees, so I opened the door and said “Karina’s tufless?” and they older woman brought them to me. I walked back to the room very slowly; in fact, I was just in time to go to dinner when I arrived.
Dinner was smoked raw fish which I eschewed and Cole slaw, mashed potatoes and beef, a dinner roll and Kefir. I also had two glasses of tea. My table mate was no where to be seen. There are a group of teenagers here, and they sit in the red room with me. They have been saying hello in English to me, but then they start laughing and giggling to one another, so I must be the butt of some joke, ah, teenagers, good to hear English though?
Some older ladies asked if they could drink my tea, I don’t need a whole pot so I said yes, when I left I gave it to them. I wish I could have said “Here is my tea, I am leaving” but I just gestured, they begin to speak to me, I said “Ya ne Panimayu” and they said "the American", one of them saluted. They had kind eyes at least, I so wish could have a conversation with someone, AAC thinks it is better for me to be sheltered out here, but I am dying of loneliness and now I am going to have to call Yelena and ask her to hurry and to PLEASE get me home. with her friends are leaving, maybe we can gather what we need for Kara's passport now.
