Walking to the internet cafe in Kyiv, November 10, 2007
Two years ago we were waiting in Kyiv for news about where we would be staying, we knew we were going to Vorzel, but had no idea where that was. We were excited about meeting Kara, but so sad about losing the angel we came to Ukraine to adopt. While Tom and Meghan slept off jet lag, I wandered about the apartment holding Eva's picture and simultaneously praying that she would be OK and crying in pain and sorrow. Feeling terrible because I knew our doubts had contributed to us losing her. I did revisit our adoption last year, if you go to the November-December posts from 2008, you can read everything.
Adoption is a wonderful gift to the parents and children, but it is also full of stress, sometimes grief, and it teaches us, sometimes brutally, that nothing is certain until you are on that plane with your new child. From losing the little girl we first committed to adopting, to losing our second would be daughter in Ukraine, there is such heartache for some of us.
I know the first daughter of our hearts is loved by her new family, I know nothing else about her, the family made their blog private long ago. They suffered their own terrible losses before deciding to adopt, and I pray the family is finally happy and little Sanna is healthy.
I did not know when the SDA pulled our referral for Eva that she would get her family just a couple of months later, nor that they would be the perfect family for her. I will be forever grateful that circumstances led them to her, though they suffered heartbreak during their own adoption journey. It all seems so long ago, and we have moved past the pain for the most part, but this time of the year renews it a bit, as anniversaries of traumatic times often do.
Thankfully adoptions are seamless for most forever families, or as much as they can be, but for some of us, the road to bringing our children home is bumpy, winding, with blind turns and many forks in the road. Where there is grief and pain along the way, there is also tremendous joy and fulfillment when in the end you bring your new child home with you.
How is Kara today? She is a stinker, into everything, toddling around in her wide-stanced way, playing with dollies, loving to watch Disney movies, fond of thumb sucking and hugs. Nothing makes her happier than rough-housing with her brothers. She is not talking yet, but her communication device will help her get her thoughts and needs across. She loves playing with Meghan and pushing Amanda around. She is at her tyrannical three's stage, it seemingly lasts forever with kids who have that extra special chromosome, so we may have a few years of pouting, whining and temper tantrums. They are few and far between thank goodness. Most of the time she is giggling, playing and happy, very happy. Were she not home with us, she would be in the institution now, and who knows how long she would have had there.
I will never lose the wonder I feel that we get to be her parents, we love and cherish her dearly.
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