A morning in the life of our family

This should be posted in all three blogs, as it is not about Kara alone.

Yesterday Tom and Julia went to pick up his mother from and after care facility. She had a knee replacement. We could not all go because there would not have been room in the van, so the little girls and mommy stayed home. Not to mention the fact that even after 33 years, my MIL is not very fond of me. She never has been, I am an outsider into their culture. It matters little that I gave her eight grandchildren. Honestly, I do not believe she counts the last two; she never even bought them gifts when we adopted them, this truly wounds me. Tom says he expected it and shrugs it off.

After Tom and Julia left, I decided to make it a day of watching children's movies and playing with my daughters. Well between feeding and diapering them that is.

We put on our first movie; I gave Meghan and Kara their breakfast and I fed Amanda her while Kara fed herself. When Kara was finished she came over to eat the rest of Amanda’s food, Amanda was not happy with this arrangement at all, and pushed Kara away, who whined and tried to situate herself between Amanda and HER Mommy. I sat her next to me instead and of course this was just too distressing, she whined, cried, carried on, such a little drama queen. She has a phony cry perfected, does it; looks up from the corner of her eyes to see if there is a reaction, and if not, she does it again.

Well, this situation meant I needed two spoons and twice as much food. As I got up to get this, Amanda began to cry, her very insistent infant cry that sounds so sad. So now, neither girl is happy with their new mommy. It is so apparent that Kara is confused, she wants to know why we make her eat by herself and Amanda gets help. I am OK with indulging her a little where this is concerned, as long as she feeds herself first. It is a big step for her to self-feed; Amanda is months away from that skill. Of course, Kara does not understand that.

So there I was feeding Amanda a mouthful, then Kara, and so on. Amanda had a scowl on her face, and Kara had a triumphant grin and a gleeful gleam in her hazel eyes. Amanda makes the funniest faces ever, I love watching her expressions. Sweet Kara’s emotions are all over her face too, and I love her soulful eyes and pouty lips. LOL.

These two little girls are completely different from one another; I could not have chosen two so dissimilar if I had been purposefully attempting it. Both are beautiful; Kara with very large features, and stunning smiles, Amanda an ethereal and fleeting beauty, there are times she can look quite strange, even comical ( I mean that with respect and love, she is a dear little girl), others when you can envision her an angel with wings; she is so lovely.

Kara is muscular, a mesomorph to the extreme, a Mary Lou Retten of little girls (remember her?), stocky, short limbs, fingers, toes, strong, healthy, robust. In fact, she loves turning somersaults and flipping, we believe gymnastics would be a good thing for her. (After AAI screening of course) Amanda is frail, very long bones, ectomorphic in build. It seems she will break if not handled with care, though for all her tiny size, she is strong. She does not seem as healthy as Kara, you can feel it, smell it (yes she smells like orphanage still, I am trying to remember how long it took for that to go away with Kara) A mothers intuition that tells you she is not as healthy as she should be.

After breakfast, both girls get a bath. I put Kara in first and washed her hair, she laughed as the water hit her head and was playful, enjoying herself. This a newer part of her acceptance of bathing; she used to cry. Amanda saw the water and began to scream in protest, which prompted Meghan to dash in to see what was happening. Meghan does not like either girl to cry, and she yells at me for it, I have to hug her every time the little ones get upset. I did not put Amanda in until the water had stopped running as that seemed to be what was scaring her. It did not matter, so I washed her quickly and took her out. Kara wanted to remain to play. Therefore, while I applied lotion, diapered, and dressed Amanda, Kara played in the tub.

With Amanda dressed and happily playing, I got Kara out and did the same with her, she has a terrible rash on her thighs, it has been there since her adoption waning and waxing, terrible eczema, and it needs a lot of moisture. By the time we were done, the movie was half over, so I restarted it, Meghan then came back and watched half of it with me. Then came the phone calls, first DS Terry, then DS Brian, and then DD Julia and finally DH Tom interrupted our movie watching plans again. The girls did not seem to mind, so I just left the movie running.

Kara came to sit on my lap, Amanda went to explore the house, she was doing her funny little sit crawl all over the place, and Kara wanted one on one Mommy time. (Meghan keeps leaving all of us to watch her romantic comedies in my room, the little girls are fun, but only when she chooses to play with them). I sat there with Kara and she signed her version of LOVE and laid her head on my chest, she repeated this many times. I kept hugging and kissing her, she seemed to need that reinforcement, she is confused; Mommy left and came back with a usurper. This was the first time in two weeks she would let me hold her like this; she is just so jealous of Amanda. I was thrilled with her overture, hoping it meant she was accepting her sister’s presence.

Amanda though believes I am HER mommy alone, and once she saw Kara sitting with me she came and sat beside me. I rubbed her short hair and kissed her forehead, but continued to hold Kara. Amanda tried to pull Kara off, what is a Mom to do. I tried to hold both girls, but they each wanted me to themselves. I held on to Amanda and comforted her; Kara plopped on her belly and dejectedly began to suck her thumb, her face turned away from us. I rubbed her back a little. She then decided that she should sit on my lap and in her very Kara way (rump first) she pushed Amanda off. After a few minutes of this, I sat both little girls down with a kiss to each forehead and got up to fix lunch, they both went off in different directions. I have never had two so close in age before, so I am not accustomed to this push-me pull-me scenario. It can be tiring for a mom, and I do understand their emotional states, which makes it difficult because I want them both to feel happy and secure.

Meghan in the meantime seems happy with the way things are, occasionally, she will come for a hug, but she is older and after a tumultuous beginning with Kara, is docilely accepting Amanda. She is my Meghan, my very special sweetheart and she truly does have a heart of gold.