About Eva-and huge 180

Upon arriving at the SDA Al asked us about Eva, I said we were very concerned about her health, and did he ever get the medical report from her region? Al said that she only went to a regional hospital, so the report was not really as complete as it could be, but the cardiologist indicated that Eva's heart was fine, no issues?????  I could not believe that was true, as her heart was the reason she was in the laying down room in the first place.  He said she could not sit or stand, and was weak. I pulled out an email from Dr Yuri, the doctor I was asked to contact via our agency. Dr Yuri had said that in his opinion she also had Cerebral Palsy and a heart defect and was very ill and that we should not adopt her.  He believed she would be bedridden. He said there were many many healthy girls with Down syndrome and we should adopt one of them.

Sadly for us, this opinion was shared by the three pediatricians, cardiologist, developmental pediatrician, Down syndrome specialist, and physical therapist we spoke to the week before leaving. We were trying to be prepare for Eva's arrival, get her appointments set, and all of the medical people did was try to convince us to change our minds. One of the pediatricians had adopted 5 special needs kids himself (children with missing limbs and other medical issues)  and said that Eva would completely overwhelm our family, and if we insisted on bringing her home, we should not adopt Amanda, as it would be wholly unfair to her. For two hours the cardiologist and the pediatrician talked to me about issues they believed we would be facing. I stood firm, and was finally told, "God be with you, you will need a lot of prayer to get through the upcoming months and years ahead". We set the appointments, and hoped that these doctors would support us. Honestly, they greatly upset me. I called my dear friend Becky to talk to her about it, we prayed together for a few minutes.

Something that really stuck me was the pediatrician asking if Eva had a social smile? I said I had never seen a picture of her smiling, he said, it would be very hard to care for someone day after day who would never be able to interact and reward me with a smile. He said that just when mothers are exhausted from caring for their tiny infants, they babies reward them with that first smile and it energizes them so they continue to cope with the loving work of raising their helpless infant.


In a nutshell these doctors said if she was not walking by now, she never would and she had to have an underlying disorder in addition to Down syndrome preventing her from doing so. Still, we went to Ukraine with the purpose of adopting Eva, and that is what we were going to try to do if the medical files did not indicate an additional disorder. Dr Yuri had agreed to take a phone call from us to discuss the file once we were in the SDA, that made us feel better.

That did not happen, Al looked at Dr Yuri's email, and we asked him if it were possible to include additional files of other girls in case Eva's was dire, as directed by the agency and our advocate at a ministry (RR). Al then said he will try to find more files for us to look at. So we went inside with him and walked up the stairs. We found they were expecting another couple, and had a different child's file waiting. Obviously she did not have Down syndrome. Everyone started talking at once, and I could tell something was wrong, after some fast talking, we were ushered out, Tom and I were confused, no knowing what in the world had just happened.  Al said, it was not us they were expecting, and the child in the file was not ours.


As we were leaving the building though, we asked about Eva, as the people at the SDA said they would try to find us a girl between the ages of 3-5 with Down syndrome. Al said no more Eva, she is gone to us, we lost her referral. What? What were they all saying in that room to each other? We both looked askance at him as he ushered us outside quickly, apparently when we indicated her health was too much for us if she were to remain bedridden for life,  then he spoke to the SDA and said she was too ill for us and we wanted another child instead. Not knowing what was being said we had no idea we would not even get to see her file. We were rather shocked, but we knew that we were not the parents who could manage round the clock care of someone with Eva's extreme special needs. With breaking hearts, we walked to the car to wait. (we learned later this was not true, they actually made the decision not to let us adopt Eva before we got to Ukraine)


One hour passed and Al came outside to tell us they found a 5 year old in the Kiev area, and I felt alarmed as I thought it may be little S, Meredith's daughter, so we asked if he could check, we said 5 was at the top of the age limit for us, we must have looked disappointed? I am not certain why what we were saying was not getting across, but it was not, but Al said he would find someone younger, someone better, with mild Down syndrome, walking, talking, not sick like Eva, he would find us good child. We knew then that none of us were communicating well. We did not say we did not want the 5 year old, but her file was put back and they continued to look for another child for us.

Alex came to the car and said there was a 4 year old boy in the same area with Ds, did we want him? We told them we were not approved for boys, only girls, and his file went back. (We met Roma, now Steven, at the orphanage in Vorzel, he was aging out and desperately needed a family before spring, he did not get one, but was adopted later from the institution they sent him to)


 We were getting very confused, concerned, and needed to get out of the car, Meghan was tired of being there. So we went for a short walk returning after the stroller broke.


After we returned it became obvious that Meghan needed to have her diaper changed. We had used the few wipes we had the day before, the rest were with our luggage, and we had asked to be taken to a store where we could buy some more, but Al and An were very very busy in the SDA, and we were trying to figure out how in the world we were going to change Meghan.
Finally they came back out and said a restaurant down the street had a nice place we could do it in. SO in we went, and after some struggle, Meghan was clean again.


We got some water and returned to the car to wait, we asked if we could please return to the apartment, but Al said no, it was better we stay in the car and wait. So we did. Sadly Meghan spilled her water all over the seat of the car, talk about embarrassed, I was afraid An would be upset, and we had nothing to wipe it up with. It ran down the seat and drenched my bottom. I thought, great, not only am I dressed very casually, but now my rear end is wet, what a great image to present to the SDA.


I did not need to worry, we were in the car long enough for my seat to dry completely. After a long wait in the car, I think 3-4 hours of waiting, we were finally taken into the building and stood on the stairs with Meghan waiting. If anyone had an issue with her being with us, they did not say so. Perhaps they had discussed it, but how would we know? Even with studying Russian, we were lost and confused when spoken to in it. We saw that An had our dossier with him, and they were busy writing a new request letter for us. An is a man who never walks, but seems to run everywhere, officiously doing his job, both are very impressive in their dedication and professionalism.


We were taken into the office again in front of two very pretty and very young women, our translator and the SDA official. They read off of the file; a little girl, age 3, 20 miles outside of Kiev, her name was Karina. No health issues, walking, and they showed us the picture of a beautiful little baby girl. I looked hard to see if I recognized her as a RR. She did not look like any of them. We said yes, we would accept her. Tom said Karina was a beautiful name, Al said we could call her Karen. We were told we could return Monday at 5:30 to pick up the referral. AL was very happy and satisfied, they did the impossible, they found the child they promised us.


So we got back to the apartment after a grueling day. Eva gone, and no chance to really see hr file, understanding that we had communicated this to Alex in our fears of the unknown, and he did his best to get us the best child he could, a healthy little girl. I cried thinking about Eva, thinking about everything that led us to Ukraine and how everything had changed so much from the beginning.


 I honestly felt desolate and scared, if we could lose Oksana and now Eva, would this adoption actually happen?


Later I talked to Victoria and told her that we know Al and An performed a miracle today, they got us a referral for another child in less than a day, unheard of. We are very grateful for their hard work and their dedication to our family.

However, we are extremely sad about our Eva, even though we knew, were she to never to have a chance of walking, we could not be the parents she needed. My most wonderful and closest friend Becky told me I would have to get up every 2 hours to turn Eva and she would need round the clock intensive care. I knew that when every doctor we spoke to said the same thing, my hopes of bringing Eva home were diminishing, but Tom and I were adamant in at least seeing her file and giving her a chance if the file indicated something that could improve. Sadly we will never know what it said.  We would never take that train to Kramatorsk and look into Eva's eyes. My husband knew if we got there, I would never be able to turn away from her, but that decision was never going to be mine.


Thankfully Victoria also said this : "Karina will also age out of the baby house, and had you not found her could also suffer the same fate that Eva may, even high functioning children die in the mental institutions" so we found an unknown child and hopefully if all goes well, she will be our daughter, and spared that fate.


To all who followed Eva's and our journey, I know you weep with us over this turn of events, we are still rather fatigued and raw over the last few days (weeks, months). We are sorry we could not be the special parents Eva needed, but we knew we could never be 24-7 caregivers to such an involved child, and in many ways, that makes us feel small and very sad.


In the end God chose Karina for us, and he will help us bring this new angel home. I hope and pray that all of you can find it in your hearts to wish us well on this new journey. We are so eager to finally meet Karina, wow, just two days and we will. No pictures yet, as soon as we are allowed, we will share them.