Your adoption is only important to you

My family reunion 1999

Family has always been a very important part of my life. I cherish each day I have been allowed to spend with each family member.

My Mother , Grandfather, Uncle, and Aunt have all passed away. As far as I know, my sister Ellen's old boyfriend is still here. :o) Only the good die young...no, we did not like him.

My Mother and extended family 1975, this is the last function my mother attended, her health declined quickly after this. Despite the smile, she was in great pain, having been thrown from a horse earlier that day. My mother was strong and caring, loving and giving, I still miss her.

MY MOTHER WOULD REJOICE IN ALL OF HER GRANDCHILDREN

I continue to be surprised by peoples reactions to our adoption. I always felt that each of my children was welcomed with happiness and acceptance.

To us adopting Kara was glorious, awe-inspiring, heart-warming, and life-changing . It was a Godsend that we found a daughter meant to be ours so many miles away, that we lived there 6 weeks and brought this special angel home. WOW, I cannot believe she is here, SHE IS HERE IN AMERICA! Family, friends, my little girl is sitting on the sofa playing with Meghan, they are giggling, she is my DAUGHTER.

YOUR ADOPTION IS ONLY IMPORTANT TO YOU

When I lost my mother to breast cancer at age 16 and found myself pregnant short months later, it was ONLY important to ME. I was a (gasp) an unwed teenage mother. The school was outraged, I was what they called "A popular student who others will want to emulate, you have to leave the school, we do not want a pregnancy epidemic" OK, lets face it, I was not all that popular, but I left the school in December and was tutored at home so I could finish my Junior year and not lose the credits. I missed my friends, I spent days in a pink nightgown crying into my raisin bran, it was a hard to lose so much so quickly.

MY PREGNANCY WAS ONLY IMPORTANT TO ME

but that wasn't entirely true, I did have support, from my brothers old girlfriend who became my Lamaze coach to the ladies at the LDS church who welcomed me into RS meetings despite my condition.

I had two baby showers, one given by friends from school and one given by my babies Grandmother. (My MIL) that one was uncomfortable, I still remember how I felt to this day. A fallen woman, a shamed woman, and it was their SON who was responsible. LOL

Fred 5 days old

My son Fred was born in April. I wrote about him earlier in the blog. My sister Sandy drove us home from the hospital and fixed his formula, the only child I did not nurse. I was 17 and it seemed "gross" to me then. I had visitors which I loved; they shared my amazement at his perfection. They brought much needed clothing and formula. They let me know he was adorable and I was happy they shared my joy over his birth given the circumstances.

MY SON WAS IMPORTANT TO MY FAMILY

In 1978 I got married to my husband Tom, yes, yes, he was Fred's father, and before we knew it, we were expecting again. Truthfully I was thrilled to be pregnant in a marriage. I was 19.

MY PREGNANCY WAS ONLY IMPORTANT TO US

People thought we should not have two kids so young, they were critical,

we did not have a baby shower for Terry, but we rejoiced in his birth. terry was a very cerebral baby, he saw everything and seemed to have a wisdom beyond his age, and "old soul" He read at age three, around the time he also decided to talk. Mommy asked him why he didn't talk if he knew how,

he said "I didn't have anything to say"

Terry and mommy below.

So we were a family of four, and our two sons grew and were healthy. We both were going to college and active in our church. Life was a struggle, but we handled it, we had some help from family. We had support and love,
we were still so young ourselves.

Fred and Terry 1979

Mommy, Fred, and Terry 1979

1981, Going to school, arranging baby sitting, Fred getting ready to go to Kindergarten soon and guess what, we are expecting again! Our friends at

U of A family housing were so excited, we were all young and building our families. Three of us were pregnant together, I had Eric in February 1982.

Fred and Eric 1982

Daddy and Eric 1982

Eric was a happy little guy, very independent, and he still is today. We were thrilled to be the parents of three healthy sons. My life was my children, my family, I left school to raise my boys. In 1982 I joined a health club to drop baby weight. I ended up becoming an instructor, and this began my 25 year career in fitness.

OUR BABY WAS IMPORTANT TO ALL OF US

Our family 1982

Times were rough with Tom in school and I needed to work, not easy to do with three young boys, and finding a reliable babysitter was even more difficult.

I did enjoy my fitness job; it gave me a chance to stay fit and be with other adults. I grew to love so many people I met along the way. In 1984 I was teaching 16 classes a week, and was lucky to find a job that had a day care.

4 years after Eric was born we found out Brian was on his way. I continued to teach classes while pregnant, giving up the high intensity classes only when I got larger. Everyone was excited about Brian coming along except my father, he said "Oh Kristine, not another one", though he grew to love Brian like he did the others. I was 26, Tom was 28, we were parents again, and we were thrilled. Tom was graduating college at last and was going to begin his teaching career, so things were looking up financially for us.

Eric and Brian 1986

We moved to the house we live in now when Brian was 1 month old, that was almost 22 years ago. We thought we were done with our family, and we were a busy one! Brian was a singer from the beginning, he loved to cry, we think he was getting his vocal chords ready for his adulthood and his chosen career in theater.

My 4 sons

I switched jobs when Brian was a baby,

and went to work at Lakeside Sportsclub in 1987. I worked there 17 years.

Well, the 80's were all about big hair, weren't they?

I loved the people who attended my classes and thought of them as family, when we found out we were expecting another baby 6 years after Brian was born we heard:"We thought you were done" and so did we, but 9 months later our sweet Julia was born.

EVERYONE CELEBRATED JULIA'S BIRTH, OUR FIRST DAUGHTER

When the people in my classes heard I was having a daughter,

they cheered, they planned a shower for me inviting all the special people

in my classes. Becky, Sybil, Cynthia and others planned the shower. Brewskies, the diner in the club, made sandwiches and provided sodas, there was a wonderful cake. We had 30-40 people there, I will never forget that day because we all cared for one another and they were happy for me. My father had died in 1989 and missed meeting my first daughter.

Brian and Julia

Julia 3 months 1993

Eric, Julia and Brian

The joy of having a daughter was indescribable, I never thought we would, and I did so enjoy being a mom to my boys! I could not fathom a girl, I was never all that fond of them growing up, they whined a lot and were no fun climbing trees and hiking mountains. their mothers never let them get dirty!

Still I bought pink frilly dresses and dreamed of life with her.

The night Julia came into the world Tom called my co-worker and then friend and said "It IS a GIRL!!" I think he was afraid to hope the ultrasound was correct. She was so delicate and sweet, and perfect. Even though her oldest brother was none too happy to have a 5th sibling. He was a teenager, what can I say? He later thought having a sister was awesome!

Then 8 years later, God sent us our last homegrown daughter

Daddy, Mommy, and Meghan

WE ALL CELEBRATED AN OLD BROAD LIKE ME HAVING A BABY

OK, I did not feel old, but I was over 40 and in the danger zone for having a baby with Down syndrome. The midwives were probably more worried than we were. In December 2000 our sweet Meghan came into our lives. She too was perfect; pink checks, rosy lips, strikingly blue almond shaped eyes, and an extra chromosome!

. The Silver Sneakers class gave me a wonderful shower which included a performance from a group some of my Silver Sneakers participants belonged to.

I was very fond of the seniors in my classes, and in a way, they represented my father and mother to me, both of whom would have adored the class. The class was supportive when Meghan was born, some more than others.

None of them said

YOUR DAUGHTER IS ONLY IMPORTANT TO YOU

So we come full circle, why is it that people cannot rejoice when a family adopts, why is it so different to them? Why for the first time in a very long time do I feel so alone despite my happiness in being a mother again? I feel a great sadness for Kara because she does not have other people doting on her.

"Your adoption is only important to you"

The thing is, I know it is not just me that this happens to.
It is an emotion shared by many friends and family of adoptive parents.

I have to say to them if they are reading my blog.

Homegrown or not, we love our children, please share our

elation and help us celebrate.

The day Kara entered our lives, no I did not carry her to term, she was not born after hours of labor, but after months of paperwork, heartache, waiting, waiting, and waiting and lots of fundraising. She does not share the genes of Tom and myself, but she is nonetheless our beloved child.

I am certain that

OUR ADOPTION IS IMPORTANT TO KARA