2007 Adoption revisted-December 11th and 12th Passport troubles

12-11-07 Day 34 in Ukraine

Quote for the day:

You are innately designed to use your personal power. When you don’t, you experience a sense of helplessness, paralysis, and depression—which is your clue that something is not working as it could. You, like all of us, deserve everything that is wonderful and exciting in life. And those feelings emerge only when you get in touch with your powerful self.--- Susan Jeffers

5:30 PM
Some days are endless...

The day started with us running, today we had to go to Kyiv to work on getting Karina’s passport, we needed to submit the papers. We got there in pretty good time considering the traffic, though Yelena did some absurdly dangerous lane changes (Most Ukrainians do absurdly dangerous lane changes by American standards), and today she was in a huge hurry because she had an appointment at 2:00 she needed to get to. We walked the typical fast pace to the office and I nearly killed myself walking up the slick stairs. They were made of marble; were wet from the snow, and did not have non-slip strips. Yelena caught me right before Kara and I toppled over the side. We were not the only people who slipped on those steps.

We presented the paperwork to the passport official and I saw a look of consternation appear on the passport officials bored face. I heard nyet a few times and saw Yelena visibly tense up. Something was wrong, and it was not good from the looks on their faces and their body language. Amazing what you can deduce from a conversation you can barely understand, but being good at body language; I could tell the news was not good.

So after some talking back and forth, we were ushered into a room to take Kara’s picture for her passport. I sat there praying that whatever was wrong with the papers could be easily fixed. After we got an acceptable picture; Kara and I were then ushered into a room full of not so friendly looking people, they all looked at us with disdain. I played with Kara and tried to ignore the stares and the looks they gave Kara. Usually when I am in a waiting room I strike up a conversation with someone, however, it could not happen in Ukraine, not with the language barrier. It made me feel sad.

We got back to the car and Yelena said we were missing a paper that had to be part of the documents for Kara's passport. We drove a long way to an apartment older and dilapidated apartment complex; and she was greeted by the first translator we met when we came here, a good looking stockily built man who greeted her with the “kiss kiss” they do here. (I am terrible with names, I feel so bad I can't remember his)

They went into the building and Kara and I sat in the car for the 4th time since I picked her up. We were there for a while, I called Tom, even though it was 2:00 am in Tucson, because I was worried that I may be stuck here for some time and I needed some moral support.

Tom was pretty angry, he is having a hard time with me being so far away and anything that threatened me getting home later upsets him. It really is a helpless feeling when you have no control over your circumstances, and feeling helpless often makes people angry as a defense mechanism. I personally do not think it is a healthy way to deal with disappointment or fear, but it is a knee-jerk reaction, and therefor not logical.

Yelena came back, she had the required document and we drove to a notary office where Kara and I were asked to stay in the car while Yelena and the translator went inside. Yelena came back and told me to go where the translator was waiting and I crossed two streets and found him waiting outside of the notary office, he led me upstairs and he explained; “Through the fault of no one this mistake was made, it is fixed now, we need you to sign this." He told me to wait outside the room and shut the door. (I waited outside many times during the last month, I wonder what they do in the office after I leave, I have a good idea...$$$)

I was so relieved that this issue was resolved, the issue with the missing document had scared me so much I was inwardly trembling, I was thinking all morning that Kara and I were not leaving in December after all, and I was very worried about money running out. (I am also missing my family in Arizona so much it is a physical pain.) So after I signed that very important document relief washed over me and I felt weak from the adrenaline that was coursing through me the last 3 hours; all I wanted to do was go back to Vorzel and hole up in my room for a while.

Yelena said we needed to get her mom and then she was taking me back to Vorzel, but traffic was horrendous AGAIN, so she said change of plans, you go with us to my appointment, and we chatted on the way there. Yelena's mom got in the SUV and Yelena introduced us; she was a very sweet woman and I enjoyed talking to her as we drove to Hot Topic, which is pronounced Not Toris in Ukrainian. Both ladies went in to their meeting while Kara and I sat in the SUV. Dusk turned to night and they were still in there (it was 3:45 PM) and we began to get tired, I was sore and fed up. I sang silly songs to Kara and took her picture to keep her busy, but she was not fond of the picture taking. After another hour or so I took her out of the SUV because I thought there was a food store nearby, but it was a clothing store-casino, so no help there. I walked with her a little, put her on a park bench where I held her hands while she walked on it, but the bitter cold was getting under our coats, and I decided to return to the SUV. I hated to go back in, we had spent far too much time there lately, and I was really needing to use the restroom too. Kara had been changed once since we got there, but she needed to be changed again. Both of us were tired, hungry (Kara ate the food I brought with us), and we were getting grumpy, I was so relieved when Yelena finally arrived back to the SUV. I was able to use the restroom, I can't tell you how happy I was to see a Western toilet when I walked in the very nice office.

Kara and I had a quiet ride back to Vorzel in that back seat, Yelena and her mom were deep in conversation, it gets a little lonely sitting in a car with folks who are conversing in a language you cannot understand. It is what I expect now, it has happened so often. Honestly I was just relieved to be going home, and I was amused that I thought of Vorzel as home, but at this point, it is.

When we arrived in Vorzel, Yelena's mother helped me out of the SUV with Kara, she carried Kara into the building. She is a spry woman and I had to almost run to keep up with her, I bet they are great at track and field here. She was also very sweet to Kara, and I was grateful for her kindness.

Kara was such a good baby while we sat in the car; it is amazing how patient she is, she only gets upset when she is hungry and I run out of food before she thinks she is done. Although she is already slowing down in her eating, she eats way more than a baby her size should. She plays with me and looks out the window and she slept for 2-3 hours while we sat in the car waiting and waiting today. We still need to get her passport, and the doctor’s visit before we go to the Embassy for Kara's visa.

Please God, I just want to go home, I am tired of being the person whom no one talks to; I thought I knew about loneliness, but this being surrounded by people and not being able to communicate is terrible.

No, the taking picture game was not a hit with Kara.
She said, enough mommy, this is not fun, no it is not.

Poor Kara, the flash in the back seat was too much, we had been sitting there for 2 hours in the dark and I was trying to play with her.

12-12-2007

Day 35 in Ukraine

Quote for the day:

" If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."

--- Anne Bradstreet

1:05 PM

It is almost time for lunch and so far all we have done today is take baths and eat breakfast. Kara and I have listened to music, Carpenters, Gloria Estefan, and Queen. She loves music, right now she is singing along with Gloria Estefan.

We took a walk using Kara’s stroller, it is nice; the handles are high enough that I don’t stoop over it. It is snowing, that dusting of snow that seems like a fine mist just drifting down from the sky. It got cold fast, so I walked back quickly. Kara slept for part of the way, and woke up perplexed to find us outside, but she quickly got interested in the traffic. A few people stopped and talked to us, but sadly I could not talk to them. Some folks have begun to say “Ah, American” I guess they heard I was here.

Kara is chewing on a spoon, so I know she is hungry. I need to get her bundled back up to go eat lunch.

Yelena called right before we were headed out to lunch, she said that all the papers were OK for the passport and now she is calling every 10 minutes to rush them to get it here. She also apologized for yesterday and said she was just exhausted and did not mean to be so grouchy.

I am saying many prayers that the passport is ready in time for us to get the physical and the Visa so we can leave on Saturday. I think Tom may have a stroke if we are not; it is stressful for him without me home to take care of Meghan. Maybe he misses me too? I know I miss him and my family desperately, but I am trying to make the most of this trip and see positive in everyday, though I admit, it is terribly difficult some days.

Victoria called last night and said we were nearing the end of this journey, thank goodness, I am sure I will look back and remember with fondness some of our experiences here, but this has been especially difficult for me. I read blogs before I got her, and no one talked about how lonely it can get, how helpless you can feel, and how stressful it can be. If I had know about the stress, I could have been better prepared. Funny, the things I was warned about are not happening at all either.

I have come to realize that adoptions are like fingerprints, no two are alike.

Kara ate well at lunch, we had bananas, and I crushed hers and fed the entire thing to her. Then came oatmeal and a meat stick of some kind, we also had a sour cream potato soup in a chicken stock and the fruity drink Yelena says is made with dehydrated fruit boiled to produce the liquid. They serve the fruit in the beets sometimes. Kara drank all of her juice, and ate a lot of soup and oatmeal. I think she eats too much for a tiny girl, maybe she has worms? She should be fat from all she eats. She also has a lot of trouble moving her food back to swallow it and gags often. I think there may be some issues with textures in her mouth.

She is doing well with me, and if she stopped toppling off these beds in the middle of the night she would not even cry. I finally slept with her because I was so nervous she was going to fall off again, last night she actually snuggled up to me, I was surprised and so happy she did. Although I called her Meghan about 10 times yesterday and it made me realize how much I miss my Meghan. I got to sing her happy birthday yesterday and Fred made her leave the headphones on so she could hear me. I hope she had a good day, I cried a little thinking of missing her special day.

Kara trying to figure out why in the world she is with me?? LOL, she looks like she wants to ask me something.

Try keeping a room that is 10 feet by 20 feet clean with an active 3 year old, nope, not happening. :o) I have to open one of the doors to get some air in the room, it was stifling in here. So much for being cold in Ukraine, I am often too hot. I brought along thick fleece pajamas to sleep in and cannot sleep with the thick top on, good thing I brought tank tops to wear under my clothes, they have been great for sleeping.

My sleeping sweetie, she naps very well, I hope that continues once we are home.